Friday, July 29, 2011

Sugarpie, Honeybunch, I can't help myself

Oh, a nail is being hammered between my eyes. Day three of no sugar did not go well. It started out well enough until I couldn't stop coughing. I reached for a cup of tea and remembered no sugar, no sweeteners, no honey. I debated with myself about the consequences of having just a little honey in my tea. I couldn't believe I was allowing some media quack to get me think of honey as the new gateway drug.

I sighed and poured a teaspoon of honey into my tea. Oh, it was delicious, and the gates opened. I planned for the teaspoon of honey to be my treat. I was so certain that would be my one slip today. That is until lunch rolled around. I've been at home most of the day fussing with my thesis and I thought "I want to get away for a couple of hours." I decided to drop off some items at Half Price Books and use the cash to buy a new book. I was heading home when I realized it was two in the afternoon and I hadn't eaten anything since 8 in the morning. Even though I was hungry I decided I could wait for a can of soup when I got home. I'm still nursing a cold and have no idea why I decided to go anywhere as snotty as I am.

Around the corner from my house is a Sonic. Any junk food or cream slush lover knows that Sonic serves half price drinks from 2 to 4. Perfect window. I rolled through the drive-thru and ordered a large Sprite and a iced mocha latte. I normally don't like cold chocolate but something in me just had to have it. I took two sips of the coffee and threw it out. The Sprite has been my companion for most of the day. When I finished it I made more tea with sweetener. I reasoned that I hadn't had all of my latte or any candy or cookies so I should be fine. And then the pain came.

I've finished my tea and now the sugar taunts me. Yes, it tastes so good but now it hurts so bad. I realize I am not well and I could just have a lingering sinus headache. But the sharp, painful, hammering between my eyes suggests otherwise. But, who knows my head still feels like it's underwater. One thing I do know is detoxing does not do well for me. Especially when I am a snotty, congested, pathetic mess.

If anything this has taught me something. I can go without candy, cookies and sugar for the most part. But denying myself, just saying something is absolutely banned does not work. Well, it does for a little while and then it knocks you really hard between the eyes. Not giving in, turning myself into a martyr for the scale is just as ridiculous as turning myself into sinner for wanting a sweetener in my coffee. The goal is moderation. Now if only I can learn to live it.

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