Living by the Scale

I had a thought today as I readied myself for my meeting today. I've been at this for 6 mos. and have become more miserable the more I lose. I feel like the more I stick with this program the more I live by the scale. I'm having a hard time right now because I'm in a bit of bad pattern. I start off losing weight at the beginning of the month, say about a pound. The next week I gain about half a pound. After that I lose pound then gain or lose again. All this in the course of a month leads to roughly a weight loss of two pounds a month. Every weigh in is a trial because I start out thinking I can change the pattern and don't have to gain but I do.  The worst part is the response of highs and lows I feel after I weigh in. A bad weigh in can send me to bed or lead to a binge. I can't figure the reason for this pattern  out and my leader is no help. I've tried eating simply filling, this is when you don't count points but eat foods that have little to no points value and are power foods like fruit and vegetable.Well I do that and that works for a week. Then when I try it again another week I gain weight. I can't seem to shake this pattern. Today, I wanted to yell at my leader when she suggested I needed to eat more, maybe indulge more. So if I eat food I shouldn't eat I gain weight.  And even when I don't eat 'bad foods'  I still gain weight. I'm sick of the lectures and the whole mentality that at least I'm losing. At this point the only thing I feel that I am losing is my sanity and money.  I need to lose weight and that's it. If eating more was a solution I would never have had to join WW. Does anyone else have a pattern? And if so how do you shake it?