Baby Steps

"Run, Run, Run, Repeat."

That's the attention grabbing phrase on a T-shirt I wear when I work out. I was thinking about that T-shirt today as there was a time I lived that phrase. Anyone who's known me for some time remembers my heavier days before college. During college I added the freshman 20 to an already tiny and yet overweight frame. I don't even remember what size I was. But I do know that during my third year of college a friend's crash diet appealed to me and I lost 40 lbs.

My family didn't recognize me when they came to pick me up at the airport for Thanksgiving break. That was a good feeling. At that time in my life I ran everyday for several miles. Then I got a job and couldn't balance the stress and I began to eat more than I exercised. Don't worry, this is not a blog for self pity, but motivation. Today as I got up I decided I needed to be honest about a few things. I need to stop thinking about who I was and move forward. An interview I read in Shape magazine said the same thing. Quit trying to get your old body back. Instead move forward to a new , better, healthier body.

I also had  to be honest about some bad habits. First, I eat entirely too much junk food. People may think I don't but I do.  I just eat it while I'm driving, on the way to on on the way from somewhere. Other things I notice I eat too many servings when I am not even hungry. This behavior has now led to my new cycle: diet, diet, diet repeat. The last few days I've focused on eating only when hungry. Even then I ask "Am I really hungry? Or just bored, tired, sad, stressed, etc.?" You get the picture.

Guess what? I am rarely as hungry as I think I am. I went overboard the other day. I was at my grandmother's house and she'd made fettuccine Alfredo with chicken. I was hungry, but I didn't stop to ask how hungry I was. I ate the whole plate, which was enough for two people, and had some salad. The worst was that I had snacked on two stale donuts as she talked and cooked. By the time that fettuccine was passed to me I was actually good. I didn't need to eat. But it smelled so good. And she went to all the trouble. So I ate and felt very uncomfortable right after. Later, my husband ordered fried fish for dinner. I took one look and realized I couldn't eat it. I wouldn't eat it. I just would be repeating the crazy cycle of my life.

I want to get to a point where I enjoy running again. Where I can happily say I am living the phrase on my work out T-shirt. So aside from asking if I am really hungry I decided to take a few baby steps. Today I walked 2 miles and tried to push to speed walk when I could. Speed walking I realized is not possible when you are also walking a dog. Dogs only have two speeds and trying to go somewhere in between just led to a lot of me being dragged. But I'll keep on trying. Maybe soon I'll be going from baby steps to giant leaps.