After much thought I've decided to really watch my calories. OK, so it was my husband's idea. He even made me a spreadsheet. Even so, I found my numbers getting pretty high. Then I had a blood test done a couple of weeks ago. My triglycerides are high. This is worrisome as issues with high cholesterol and heart problems are in my family's medical history.
At first, I got proactive and said I needed to change my diet. Or at least I pretended to when people were around. Whenever the idea of a cookie or fries popped into my head. I ate it. After a week or two of saying I couldn't eat better I gave in. I took a look at how much I ate and tried to figure out what I really needed to eat. I realized I could easily shave off 300 calories and be OK.
For me the 1300 is the lowest number of calories I can eat. 1400 is the max for what I am trying to achieve.Today was my day to eat 1300 calories. I did fairly well. I checked into Livestrong.com and got an idea of how I should proportion my meals by calories.
Basically it's 300 for breakfast and 300 for lunch with 500 for dinner. Snacks can be 100 calories. Breakfast was easy as I usually eat bran flakes and soy milk with a cup of coffee. I forgot to add some fruit in there so I may have to make my cereal portion smaller next time. Roughly 300 calories.
Lunch was difficult because I wasn't sure what to do. My go to lunch is turkey and cheese on whole wheat. But, a slice of bread, even whole wheat is 150 calories. Hm, tricky. I finally settled on a tortilla with a quarter cup of reduced fat cheese and an apple. All for 290 calories. I then ate a banana, 110 calories as a snack before dinner.
Dinner required a little more help because it was homemade chicken noodle soup with whole grain noodles, squash, zucchini, carrots, onion and celery. After putting the recipe through Calorie-Count.com I figured that a serving of my soup was 316 calories. I had two servings. This made my total for the day 1340 calories. I am impressed and surprisingly not hungry. Hopefully I can keep this up. I plan to focus on my cholesterol and heart this time around. We'll see if that works because so far trying to trick the scale isn't working.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
The Scale: Friend or Foe?
How many women step on their scale only to be disappointed by the number? Hundreds, thousands, every woman? First we feel sad. Then we play games with it. "I'm wearing really heavy (shoes, belt, jewelry) if I take them off than I'll get the number I want. Nope, that didn't work. Crap!" Then we either fight it or give up.
On a daily basis I am annoyed by my scale. I am convinced it doesn't work as the number never budges below 150 as far as I am concerned. So I run through my own games. "Maybe it's not centered. Maybe if I stand on one foot." When none of that works I kick the thing and stomp off losing the battle again.
So far the only thing I have learned in my battle of weight loss is that I need to learn to say when. Every time I think I've learned it I get PMS'd out and crave a cookie, or two , or three. But still, I continue to work at it and it frustrates me that my work never shows on the scale. I can now walk two miles in 30 minutes. Before I would get winded and could walk 2 miles in 45 minutes.
I have days where I am so diligent about my calories that I actually feel hungry. The hunger is not something I can deal with for very long and before I know it I have ruined my diet. But still, there are more days that I have more resolve and that does not show up on the scale either. I know the scale is not my friend. But without it how do you measure your success?
On a daily basis I am annoyed by my scale. I am convinced it doesn't work as the number never budges below 150 as far as I am concerned. So I run through my own games. "Maybe it's not centered. Maybe if I stand on one foot." When none of that works I kick the thing and stomp off losing the battle again.
So far the only thing I have learned in my battle of weight loss is that I need to learn to say when. Every time I think I've learned it I get PMS'd out and crave a cookie, or two , or three. But still, I continue to work at it and it frustrates me that my work never shows on the scale. I can now walk two miles in 30 minutes. Before I would get winded and could walk 2 miles in 45 minutes.
I have days where I am so diligent about my calories that I actually feel hungry. The hunger is not something I can deal with for very long and before I know it I have ruined my diet. But still, there are more days that I have more resolve and that does not show up on the scale either. I know the scale is not my friend. But without it how do you measure your success?
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Saying when
Sorry to be away so long readers, but it's been a busy week. I've been doing very well on the exercise front and have been managing to keep my calories low. It's been hard and rewarding work. Trust a family get together to cause some trouble. I went to a family BBQ with the best of intentions but I didn't plan well enough. I decided to eat light before I hit the BBQ and stuck to bran cereal and fruit before I left. I was under the impression the festivities would start at three which meant it was a late lunch or early dinner. I tried to avoid being hungry by nibbling on cantaloupe before we left.
My husband and I get to our destination to find that there is no food at this get together. Well, at least nothing aside from the potato salad I made and the basic sandwich fixings. I was confused to say the least. It turned out my family caterer and planner; my grandmother had forgotten to tell everyone just how behind she was on the food. It's a family joke how late she runs behind. But this time I was paying it for it with my stomach.
Three hours later and I was starving. Or at least tired of waiting for the BBQ so I took up an offer of fried chicken. An hour later the rest of the food and guests arrived. At this point I was no longer hungry but still attracted to the prospect of BBQ. So I had a plate with the intentions of stopping after that. But waiting for food for a long period of time triggered something in me and I kept going until I had overdone it.
The next day had proved no better as the previous day had set a pattern in motion. I've gorged on chicken Alfredo this evening. Later my husband broached the subject of dessert and I strongly considered it but said no. I am incredibly jealous as my husband indulges in a candy bar. I had to leave the room or else I would've grabbed the candy bar. It looks like it's back to the beginning for me. Just when I thought I had learned when to say when.
My husband and I get to our destination to find that there is no food at this get together. Well, at least nothing aside from the potato salad I made and the basic sandwich fixings. I was confused to say the least. It turned out my family caterer and planner; my grandmother had forgotten to tell everyone just how behind she was on the food. It's a family joke how late she runs behind. But this time I was paying it for it with my stomach.
Three hours later and I was starving. Or at least tired of waiting for the BBQ so I took up an offer of fried chicken. An hour later the rest of the food and guests arrived. At this point I was no longer hungry but still attracted to the prospect of BBQ. So I had a plate with the intentions of stopping after that. But waiting for food for a long period of time triggered something in me and I kept going until I had overdone it.
The next day had proved no better as the previous day had set a pattern in motion. I've gorged on chicken Alfredo this evening. Later my husband broached the subject of dessert and I strongly considered it but said no. I am incredibly jealous as my husband indulges in a candy bar. I had to leave the room or else I would've grabbed the candy bar. It looks like it's back to the beginning for me. Just when I thought I had learned when to say when.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
The Clicker
So I thought I'd invest in some quality time with Geneen Roth's "Women, Food and God". I was reading a few pages and something clicked. Finally, something clicked. Roth wrote, "it's not about the weight, but it is." For anyone who hasn't read the book or doesn't have an issue with emotional or compulsive eating you might think this is a strange phrase. But hang on a moment and I'll explain. What Roth was trying to explain that so many people think there life's issues revolve around their weight. Some of the problems probably do. But certainly not all of them. The reason I can't seem to get ahead professionally or seem to win over my board for my senior thesis has nothing to do with my weight. But, when I struggle with life I do turn to food and that does cause a problem with my weight.
So my frustration with food and dieting and life is not about my weight. At least not all of it. Yes, when I was slimmer I was healthier and I seemed happier. But, something went out of place in order for me to abuse food. I thought about for a few days and lost some sleep over it and I realized what was wrong. It's my frustrations, things unsaid, decisions agonized over and yes, some worry about my weight that cause me to overeat.
I thought back and I remembered when I was in college. I started out the chubby girl and added some weight with each year. But, in my third year of college I lost a lot of weight. At the time I attributed this to an extreme diet and strict exercise regimen. But there was a third ingredient I'd forgotten about. I was settled. I was finishing up school and had a feeling that everything I worked for was paying off. I was finally comfortable in my own skin.
And then I graduated and I had to deal with the struggle of not having a job. I became depressed, slept more, and avoided people. Then I found a job which required long hours and left me feeling spent and wondering "is this it?" I thought I could fill my emptiness with a person and so I began to date. I dated the wrong person. I dated to not be alone with myself. That didn't work so I switched tactics. I thought then maybe what I need is to get back to who I was before. And so I went back to school. I tried to compete with people who had their life together. I tried to work and study when I was already a mess. And then something happened: I couldn't fake it anymore and my life began to unravel.
Two years had passed before I could overcome the mess I had made. After it all I only had the energy to save my heart. By the time I picked my self back up my weight had increased but none of the other issues remained. At the time the weight no longer mattered, just the fact that I had survived. I wasn't counting on love. I met a great guy who didn't know a thing about before, didn't care and loved me now. I met him at the gym weekly just to spend time with him. In the process I lost a little weight and developed a sense of peace.
I gave him my once broken heart. We will celebrate our second wedding anniversary in a couple of months. A lot of great things have happened since then. But problems with work and school continue to be a bother, which leads to cookie binges, extra cream and sugar in coffee, and more dessert than necessary. Before I knew it I had gained 20 lbs.
I joined Weight Watchers. I counted each point,weighed myself religiously and finally refused to attend when I couldn't drop the weight. Once again instead of trying to resolve the real issues I made my weight my issue. The thing is it's not about the weight, not really. I think I knew that once but tend to keep forgetting it. I have to work on me and then I can take care of the weight.
Now that I remembered it or relearned it I decided to just relax a bit. I've been tracking what I eat but I focus more on quality instead of quantity. Just yesterday I wanted pizza. Before I would've picked up a personal pizza from the local take-out. But instead I chose to head down to the grocery and pick up a Lean Cuisine pizza. I debated on things like calories, fat, salt. What it came down to was toppings. I like veggie pizza and that's what I ate.
I've also begun to focus on the high I used to get when I exercised. I remember one day running and thinking "this is the best day." What made it great was the feeling of accomplishment I got from running. I'm more of a walker than runner. But at the time I pushed myself to run and when I realized I could do it I loved it. Today I ran again and enjoyed it. Right now as I glance down at my four-legged workout buddy I know we are both exhausted. But I can say, "this is the best day."
So my frustration with food and dieting and life is not about my weight. At least not all of it. Yes, when I was slimmer I was healthier and I seemed happier. But, something went out of place in order for me to abuse food. I thought about for a few days and lost some sleep over it and I realized what was wrong. It's my frustrations, things unsaid, decisions agonized over and yes, some worry about my weight that cause me to overeat.
I thought back and I remembered when I was in college. I started out the chubby girl and added some weight with each year. But, in my third year of college I lost a lot of weight. At the time I attributed this to an extreme diet and strict exercise regimen. But there was a third ingredient I'd forgotten about. I was settled. I was finishing up school and had a feeling that everything I worked for was paying off. I was finally comfortable in my own skin.
And then I graduated and I had to deal with the struggle of not having a job. I became depressed, slept more, and avoided people. Then I found a job which required long hours and left me feeling spent and wondering "is this it?" I thought I could fill my emptiness with a person and so I began to date. I dated the wrong person. I dated to not be alone with myself. That didn't work so I switched tactics. I thought then maybe what I need is to get back to who I was before. And so I went back to school. I tried to compete with people who had their life together. I tried to work and study when I was already a mess. And then something happened: I couldn't fake it anymore and my life began to unravel.
Two years had passed before I could overcome the mess I had made. After it all I only had the energy to save my heart. By the time I picked my self back up my weight had increased but none of the other issues remained. At the time the weight no longer mattered, just the fact that I had survived. I wasn't counting on love. I met a great guy who didn't know a thing about before, didn't care and loved me now. I met him at the gym weekly just to spend time with him. In the process I lost a little weight and developed a sense of peace.
I gave him my once broken heart. We will celebrate our second wedding anniversary in a couple of months. A lot of great things have happened since then. But problems with work and school continue to be a bother, which leads to cookie binges, extra cream and sugar in coffee, and more dessert than necessary. Before I knew it I had gained 20 lbs.
I joined Weight Watchers. I counted each point,weighed myself religiously and finally refused to attend when I couldn't drop the weight. Once again instead of trying to resolve the real issues I made my weight my issue. The thing is it's not about the weight, not really. I think I knew that once but tend to keep forgetting it. I have to work on me and then I can take care of the weight.
Now that I remembered it or relearned it I decided to just relax a bit. I've been tracking what I eat but I focus more on quality instead of quantity. Just yesterday I wanted pizza. Before I would've picked up a personal pizza from the local take-out. But instead I chose to head down to the grocery and pick up a Lean Cuisine pizza. I debated on things like calories, fat, salt. What it came down to was toppings. I like veggie pizza and that's what I ate.
I've also begun to focus on the high I used to get when I exercised. I remember one day running and thinking "this is the best day." What made it great was the feeling of accomplishment I got from running. I'm more of a walker than runner. But at the time I pushed myself to run and when I realized I could do it I loved it. Today I ran again and enjoyed it. Right now as I glance down at my four-legged workout buddy I know we are both exhausted. But I can say, "this is the best day."
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Baby Steps
"Run, Run, Run, Repeat."
That's the attention grabbing phrase on a T-shirt I wear when I work out. I was thinking about that T-shirt today as there was a time I lived that phrase. Anyone who's known me for some time remembers my heavier days before college. During college I added the freshman 20 to an already tiny and yet overweight frame. I don't even remember what size I was. But I do know that during my third year of college a friend's crash diet appealed to me and I lost 40 lbs.
My family didn't recognize me when they came to pick me up at the airport for Thanksgiving break. That was a good feeling. At that time in my life I ran everyday for several miles. Then I got a job and couldn't balance the stress and I began to eat more than I exercised. Don't worry, this is not a blog for self pity, but motivation. Today as I got up I decided I needed to be honest about a few things. I need to stop thinking about who I was and move forward. An interview I read in Shape magazine said the same thing. Quit trying to get your old body back. Instead move forward to a new , better, healthier body.
I also had to be honest about some bad habits. First, I eat entirely too much junk food. People may think I don't but I do. I just eat it while I'm driving, on the way to on on the way from somewhere. Other things I notice I eat too many servings when I am not even hungry. This behavior has now led to my new cycle: diet, diet, diet repeat. The last few days I've focused on eating only when hungry. Even then I ask "Am I really hungry? Or just bored, tired, sad, stressed, etc.?" You get the picture.
Guess what? I am rarely as hungry as I think I am. I went overboard the other day. I was at my grandmother's house and she'd made fettuccine Alfredo with chicken. I was hungry, but I didn't stop to ask how hungry I was. I ate the whole plate, which was enough for two people, and had some salad. The worst was that I had snacked on two stale donuts as she talked and cooked. By the time that fettuccine was passed to me I was actually good. I didn't need to eat. But it smelled so good. And she went to all the trouble. So I ate and felt very uncomfortable right after. Later, my husband ordered fried fish for dinner. I took one look and realized I couldn't eat it. I wouldn't eat it. I just would be repeating the crazy cycle of my life.
I want to get to a point where I enjoy running again. Where I can happily say I am living the phrase on my work out T-shirt. So aside from asking if I am really hungry I decided to take a few baby steps. Today I walked 2 miles and tried to push to speed walk when I could. Speed walking I realized is not possible when you are also walking a dog. Dogs only have two speeds and trying to go somewhere in between just led to a lot of me being dragged. But I'll keep on trying. Maybe soon I'll be going from baby steps to giant leaps.
That's the attention grabbing phrase on a T-shirt I wear when I work out. I was thinking about that T-shirt today as there was a time I lived that phrase. Anyone who's known me for some time remembers my heavier days before college. During college I added the freshman 20 to an already tiny and yet overweight frame. I don't even remember what size I was. But I do know that during my third year of college a friend's crash diet appealed to me and I lost 40 lbs.
My family didn't recognize me when they came to pick me up at the airport for Thanksgiving break. That was a good feeling. At that time in my life I ran everyday for several miles. Then I got a job and couldn't balance the stress and I began to eat more than I exercised. Don't worry, this is not a blog for self pity, but motivation. Today as I got up I decided I needed to be honest about a few things. I need to stop thinking about who I was and move forward. An interview I read in Shape magazine said the same thing. Quit trying to get your old body back. Instead move forward to a new , better, healthier body.
I also had to be honest about some bad habits. First, I eat entirely too much junk food. People may think I don't but I do. I just eat it while I'm driving, on the way to on on the way from somewhere. Other things I notice I eat too many servings when I am not even hungry. This behavior has now led to my new cycle: diet, diet, diet repeat. The last few days I've focused on eating only when hungry. Even then I ask "Am I really hungry? Or just bored, tired, sad, stressed, etc.?" You get the picture.
Guess what? I am rarely as hungry as I think I am. I went overboard the other day. I was at my grandmother's house and she'd made fettuccine Alfredo with chicken. I was hungry, but I didn't stop to ask how hungry I was. I ate the whole plate, which was enough for two people, and had some salad. The worst was that I had snacked on two stale donuts as she talked and cooked. By the time that fettuccine was passed to me I was actually good. I didn't need to eat. But it smelled so good. And she went to all the trouble. So I ate and felt very uncomfortable right after. Later, my husband ordered fried fish for dinner. I took one look and realized I couldn't eat it. I wouldn't eat it. I just would be repeating the crazy cycle of my life.
I want to get to a point where I enjoy running again. Where I can happily say I am living the phrase on my work out T-shirt. So aside from asking if I am really hungry I decided to take a few baby steps. Today I walked 2 miles and tried to push to speed walk when I could. Speed walking I realized is not possible when you are also walking a dog. Dogs only have two speeds and trying to go somewhere in between just led to a lot of me being dragged. But I'll keep on trying. Maybe soon I'll be going from baby steps to giant leaps.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Diet Cop
"I'm on a diet. Don't let me eat anything bad, OK?"
Every woman who has ever dieted has uttered this request to some friend, co-worker, relative or spouse at one time or another. Want to know the crazy thing? Once you ask someone to be your diet cop they'll do it. And you'll hate them for it. For some time now I have made my husband my diet cop only to regret it when I had a bad day and needed a treat. I'd been good all week I deserved it. How could someone deny me an ice cream treat from Sonic? Because I asked them to.
I put my husband in a lose-lose situation where if he didn't do what I asked he wasn't being supportive. If he did do as I asked then he was mean and not letting me enjoy my food. The person who needs to be responsible for my food is me. That being said I have a screwed up relationship with food. It is my comfort, my friend. It is my enemy when I look in the mirror, or have an upset stomach from overdoing it. In the end I blow my diet and the cycle starts all over again.
Diet, that's a screwed up word. It has the word "die" in it. So essentially when you ask somebody to be your diet cop you are asking them to kill you. To be more accurate you are asking them to let you suffer. Diets are not a good thing and they don't work. I say get rid of the diet cop and the diet altogether.On that note, starting now I am going to try and change the way I see food. Food is not a reward for good behavior. It is not a cure for bad day. And I certainly do not deserve it just because I sat in traffic and spotted a DQ sign on my way home. No food is nourishment and that is all it is. That didn't actually strike me as true until I watched an old episode of Star Trek. I'm a nerd, sue me.
Anyway, Captain Kirk, Chekhov and Uhura were held captive on some far away planet where life was mapped out and no one deviated from plans or asked questions. What I thought was funny was that some scantily clad girl with green hair and a bikini made out aluminum foil brought Kirk his dinner. At one point he asked "What is it?" She answered with a blank stare, "Nourishment." That was it. There was no adjectives, no sounds of appreciation. She didn't add "And it's yummy!" That would've been just silly and gone against the storyline. The point is the food was meant to nourish him. Everything else was unimportant.
Trying to change your outlook on food is hard when you have so many other things you associate food with. You eat ice cream to mend a broken heart. You tell family how much you love them and are thankful for them over a table of turkey. And we celebrate life with cake. In all that we forgot to take care of our bodies and to feed it what it needs. Food is nourishment and that is all. Yes, it can taste good but ultimately it is supposed to nourish us.
To all my readers, let's learn to love and nurture ourselves and escape the food is love cycle.
Every woman who has ever dieted has uttered this request to some friend, co-worker, relative or spouse at one time or another. Want to know the crazy thing? Once you ask someone to be your diet cop they'll do it. And you'll hate them for it. For some time now I have made my husband my diet cop only to regret it when I had a bad day and needed a treat. I'd been good all week I deserved it. How could someone deny me an ice cream treat from Sonic? Because I asked them to.
I put my husband in a lose-lose situation where if he didn't do what I asked he wasn't being supportive. If he did do as I asked then he was mean and not letting me enjoy my food. The person who needs to be responsible for my food is me. That being said I have a screwed up relationship with food. It is my comfort, my friend. It is my enemy when I look in the mirror, or have an upset stomach from overdoing it. In the end I blow my diet and the cycle starts all over again.
Diet, that's a screwed up word. It has the word "die" in it. So essentially when you ask somebody to be your diet cop you are asking them to kill you. To be more accurate you are asking them to let you suffer. Diets are not a good thing and they don't work. I say get rid of the diet cop and the diet altogether.On that note, starting now I am going to try and change the way I see food. Food is not a reward for good behavior. It is not a cure for bad day. And I certainly do not deserve it just because I sat in traffic and spotted a DQ sign on my way home. No food is nourishment and that is all it is. That didn't actually strike me as true until I watched an old episode of Star Trek. I'm a nerd, sue me.
Anyway, Captain Kirk, Chekhov and Uhura were held captive on some far away planet where life was mapped out and no one deviated from plans or asked questions. What I thought was funny was that some scantily clad girl with green hair and a bikini made out aluminum foil brought Kirk his dinner. At one point he asked "What is it?" She answered with a blank stare, "Nourishment." That was it. There was no adjectives, no sounds of appreciation. She didn't add "And it's yummy!" That would've been just silly and gone against the storyline. The point is the food was meant to nourish him. Everything else was unimportant.
Trying to change your outlook on food is hard when you have so many other things you associate food with. You eat ice cream to mend a broken heart. You tell family how much you love them and are thankful for them over a table of turkey. And we celebrate life with cake. In all that we forgot to take care of our bodies and to feed it what it needs. Food is nourishment and that is all. Yes, it can taste good but ultimately it is supposed to nourish us.
To all my readers, let's learn to love and nurture ourselves and escape the food is love cycle.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
You eat when...
Got to love those Alli commercials. You eat when you're hungry. You eat when you're bored. Sometimes you don't know why you are eating. So take Alli, a magical pill that cuts the fat of all the food you do eat in half. Yeah, not a good idea. I tried it once and realized it was an expensive way to ensure I went to the bathroom.
I like the idea of the commercials though. If your life revolves around eating then you're not really living are you? And you're certainly not going to lose weight or get healthy if the only exercise you get is running back and forth to the refrigerator. I decided I needed to come to terms with my eating habits. I picked up a copy of Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. Having read Breaking Free from Emotional Eating by Roth I know what the first step is. Eat only when you are hungry.
Simple, right? Actually it is. The other unspoken guideline is of course to make better choices about your food when you eat. As I said I read this before and as simple as everything was I still couldn't stick to it. And here's why: I have to be accountable for what I eat. I can't have sugar everyday and lament that I can't lose weight. It doesn't work that way.
Today I focused on that first step and it really got me through the day. When I did feel like snacking I stuck to the carrots, fruit, or whole wheat cereal. Even then I only ate if I was actually hungry. I did leave to run a few errands and found myself contemplating an iced coffee from Starbucks. Iced coffee isn't bad, especially when you have it with skim milk and Splenda like I do. But I know me. I will inevitably end up with a slice of pumpkin bread, or a brownie, or even one of those cake pops. I'll love it in the beginning but then feel bad when I realize how much bad stuff was in that little treat. So for now I will just avoid it and continue to read on and maybe next time I can learn to trust myself around food.
I like the idea of the commercials though. If your life revolves around eating then you're not really living are you? And you're certainly not going to lose weight or get healthy if the only exercise you get is running back and forth to the refrigerator. I decided I needed to come to terms with my eating habits. I picked up a copy of Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. Having read Breaking Free from Emotional Eating by Roth I know what the first step is. Eat only when you are hungry.
Simple, right? Actually it is. The other unspoken guideline is of course to make better choices about your food when you eat. As I said I read this before and as simple as everything was I still couldn't stick to it. And here's why: I have to be accountable for what I eat. I can't have sugar everyday and lament that I can't lose weight. It doesn't work that way.
Today I focused on that first step and it really got me through the day. When I did feel like snacking I stuck to the carrots, fruit, or whole wheat cereal. Even then I only ate if I was actually hungry. I did leave to run a few errands and found myself contemplating an iced coffee from Starbucks. Iced coffee isn't bad, especially when you have it with skim milk and Splenda like I do. But I know me. I will inevitably end up with a slice of pumpkin bread, or a brownie, or even one of those cake pops. I'll love it in the beginning but then feel bad when I realize how much bad stuff was in that little treat. So for now I will just avoid it and continue to read on and maybe next time I can learn to trust myself around food.
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